remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
