If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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