Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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