Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
