I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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