There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
