Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
