Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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