Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Vodka?
Forever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
