I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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