i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
