I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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