hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
