i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
