Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
