Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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