I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
