He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
