I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
