Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
