you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
