Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
