i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
