did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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