On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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