fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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