Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
