Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
