If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
