Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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