I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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