textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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