we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
