I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
