twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
