just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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