I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
