I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
