yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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