he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
