First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
