Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
worst night to have a conscience
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
