smell my finger.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
