Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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