Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
wow bdsm is so cute
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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