Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
