Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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