You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
