I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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