Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
