Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
