If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
