He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
