my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
